14th July 2009

Managed to be at work on time today. Wore my red sneakers after a long time and felt a strange sense of nostaligia. The jeans and the casual shirt were what I lived in while I was an undergraduate. Its odd, at times we change rapidly enough not to recognise the changes we are going through. 

After last night's draining conversation with D about "not being able to be in a relationship", I felt a degree of liberation. but also, a moment of regret. I am giving away a lovely man and a lovely relationship and a university romance. Only because everytime, I am with him, while I enjoy his company and attention, something within me rebels. It is odd. I cant understand myself. What is it that I truly want. 

At work, I decided to take a nap in the bathroom. If anyone EVER knew about this, they would be horrified at the way I sit on my haunches and have a deep sleep. But anyone who had a tiring night and was woken up at six, would see how I could sleep this easily. 

In the meantime, am struggling with my Ph.d synopsis. Have decided loosely to work on FTA's but am not wondering if I have serious research questions on the matter or now. Also want to start writing for Mainstream and World Affairs.