He came to pick me up on his motorbike and when we rode back, I realised how much I liked being with him. I was wearing a burgundy, collared shirt with buttons running down and a double string of pearls. We lay down in each others arms and kissed for a long time. I tried not to look at my watch. I was late anyway. We tried to make love. Well, not tried. We wanted to make love, but I hate taking the emergence pill and we broke away. It was twelve by the time I reached work and I walked in nervously, but the editor said nothing. Relief.
Am more confused than ever about him, love and marriage. I like him, I do. I know he loves me with an intensity and determination which is frightening. I know he has a bright future, than what holds me back?
At work, I downloaded a few good books. Scruton’s A Short History of Modern Philosophy. I need to start studying seriously for the exams in October. This morning I began studying Kant.
Yesterday, I spent some money impulsively on myself: bought a pair of thin silver bangles and felt pleased and proud. Have spent an unprecedented sum of money on myself this month: a pair of trousers from Mango, silver bangles and now I am lusting for a pair of black pumps.
Also finished Mistry’s A Fine Balance. Am inconsolable after completing it. A terrific writer he is.
What I need to be:
Determined.
Hardworking.
Studious.
Focused.
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